Starting Over

In April of 2008 I started my first weight loss journey. It had been a year since I graduated college with my B.A., I was living alone in an apartment, working as a preschool teacher and my life was just sort of standing still. I decided, after being shocked and disgusted by too many photos of myself, that I would make a big change and commit to it for real.

I was a shocking 262lbs and 5'4'', at 22 years old this was not a good place to be.

So I started using the Weight Watchers original Points system that my best friend always talked about, her mom had done it for years to help herself stay healthy and keep on track if her weight ever started creeping up and they both swore by it. I did not attend meetings and I don't think the online program was really popular at the time, I simply bought the slider calculator from the WW store and kept a small notebook recording everything. The first month I lost 17lbs! that was HUGE for me, like amazing super huge. I was very motivated to keep going, unfortunately all my months were not 17lb losses, but I kept a thermometer tracking my weekly loss and celebrated small and large goals. The during is kind of a blur, but by spring of 2010 I was down to 162, a 100lb weight loss!! I was happy, I actively played sports, I was meeting new friends, I had a new job, lived in a new place and even toyed with eating vegan which helped me lose more without even tracking points.

Then, in May of 2010 I met my soul-mate and I could not even believe that I had found even MORE happiness, life was so good.

I enrolled in grad school to start fall of 2010.

I was so happy I became complacent.

I stopped counting and wanted to just "enjoy" life....


In late winder of 2011 my nephew who was due to be delivered March 11 was born sleeping on March 3
The most tragic thing I had ever experienced
In the summer of 2011 the bf and I moved into together and bought a house
In the fall of 2011 I started a new job with a BIG pay increase
Two months later I was laid off
I had started to gain weight back, but I wasn't too worried because I was happy
I tried "eating clean"
I tried WW PP for like a week...then quit
I tried going vegan again for like a week...then quit
I started running again for two months and my weight did not change an ounce, that was frustrating...so I quit
I was unemployed for 4 months
I finally got a new job in April 2012
The day I graduated college with my Master's degree, my grandmother unexpectedly passed away
I spent the summer doing projects on my house and finishing my thesis
Fall of 2012 I finished my thesis

Now, January of 2013 I realized how much has happened in my life over the last 2.5 years, the ups and the downs, and how much I have changed, the good and the bad

I am lucky to have a house, a job, two wonderful chocolate labs, and the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world, the perfect match to me, I have a masters degree and life is finally slowed down a little
I'm seeing the sunshine through the clouds, but I let myself gain 60 of my 100lb loss back...that's like 25lbs a year! seriously!?

WTF

That's not even like "oh i was fat all my life and now i want to be healthy"


That is: I worked SO HARD for two years to get to that  point and two more years later let it all go
I was Rose on the board and instead of fighting to save Jack I just freakin' let him go down into the water, like dang I seriously JUST GOT TO THAT POINT, and now I have to do it all again....

So, life is hard, bad things happen to good people, disappointments are hard, but nothing is impossible
and I am planning to do it all again, for me, for my future. I loved being that 162lb girl, in fact I desired to lose even more but for some reason had settled there for a while, either way I want that back, I want to wear those clothes again, I want that energy and drive again, I want to be that sassy sexy girl for my bf again, I want a lot

Plea to myself: DON'T GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING