About Me

Like many others who blog about diet and weight loss, I  have been overweight my whole life. I had an older sister who was stick thin and could eat twice as much as me at any meal gaining nothing, I never really understood that and I felt like something was wrong with me. I endured much taunting throughout elementary school and in 4th grade my parents divorced. My visits with my dad often included fast food trips because he wasn't much of a cook, so to me, eating unhealthy food was a "fun treat" it was a time of positive memories and it was special. My family also enforced the clean plate rule, my father and grandfather, trying to be smart with their money, always chastised me for not finishing food I ordered at a restaurant and labeled me wasteful. So it was instilled to me that I must eat everything in front of me even if I'm full. So I turned into an emotional eater, a closet binge eater, a low self-esteem girl and an unhealthy overweight adolescent. 

Middle school and high school brought on more teasing, but I also found outlets for my creativity and skills that I enjoyed, I joined many activities and made lots of friends. I play some sports like softball and tennis, I did marching band, which many might not know but is VERY physically challenging. And I also did artsy things like speech, band, choir, and theater. By high school I was very insecure about my weight. I found some online things about pro-ana and losing weight. I unhealthily lost some pounds and got many compliments, I thought it was a good thing. But after 6 months of doing that I started eating normally again and it all came back. College was even harder, cafeterias, drinking, parties, my weight continued to go up and I continued to ignore it. 

I was up to 262lbs.

I graduated, got a job and started to just live a normal adult life.  I no longer had homework, activities, extreme stress, I had some time for me. I woke up on April 1st, 2008 and decided that I was ready to change. I reached out to a friend and started Weight Watchers, that's it, I did not intend to work out right away. I lost 17lbs in the first month! That was so motivating I felt like I was doing something right and making a healthy change. I kept at it, I joined a gym for the first time in my life I got healthy, over two years I lost 100lbs, I was playing street hockey and volley ball, I was biking and running and lifting weights, I was energetic and happy and I finally felt like myself. 

                                           BEFORE 262lbs                AFTER 165lbs

Fast forward to 2013. I have gained nearly 60lbs back, I went back to grad school and gave up a lot of my free time I had been using for exercise, I had a lot more stress working full time, going to school full time, then being laid off, I ate more unhealthy and wasn't measuring anything. I stopped being aware. After going back up 3 pants sizes I am just so disappointed in myself and frustrated that I have to do much of this work all over again. I turned back to Weight Watchers because it worked before. The system is different now though so I'm not sure how this program will work for me. I am trying, I am committed, and I am going to use this blog as a personal motivator to stay honest about what I'm doing, why, and hopefully to track my progress and seek support to get back to where I want to be. Then spend the rest of my life staying there.  

I live with my bf of three years, he is my best friend, my #1 supporter and as cliche as it is, he is my better half. We have two chocolate labs Bella and Mason, they are brother and sister just 4 litters apart :) we call them the "brown dogs". 

I am a nerd and love all things nerd.

I also love baseball! Go Twins!!

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